I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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