not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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