you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
