I think I won the penis lottery.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
