If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
