I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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