I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
