Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
