this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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