it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
