i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
a search helicopter?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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