She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
