Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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