that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
