yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
