so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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