last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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