Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
