This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
