Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
