So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
