That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
