I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
