ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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