she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
