he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
