OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
