He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
