ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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