Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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