Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
