She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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