It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
