I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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