yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone came in the potted fern
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
