he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
