Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
