I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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