my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
