After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm too high and old for this...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
