The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
