ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
