I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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