hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
