Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
