fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
