She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
