so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
