$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
