dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
