Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
