one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
