you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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