Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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